The penultimate day of the inquiry into the death of my daughter was today. As the parent of the babe I was permitted to offer a statement to the court once my evidence was concluded, reflecting on the loss of my daughter in my life, and that of her family. This is the statement I made which was tendered as evidence. Final submissions will now be June 25 and findings could be back by August but we have no way of knowing just yet.
Thank you for the opportunity to address the court. Firstly, I would like to thank his Honour for the words of sympathy he extended to my family yesterday. I found it a moment of kindness and humanity in what has been a foreign experience to us and I am grateful for his genuine acknowledgement of our loss.
When a woman is pregnant, it is a family and a community who expects a baby. Roisin has a brother and sister who anticipated her arrival with all the uncomplicated joy of young children. They were 5 and almost 3 at the time of her birth. Roisin has grandparents, Trevor’s parents and my father, as my mother is deceased and never met any of my children. She has aunts, uncles and cousins who also awaited her arrival with joy. She has a father who first held her at birth as he did his previous daughter and son. She has a mother who only held a moving babe in her belly, not in her arms. I am a mother of three children with only two visible to the world in which we move.
Had my birth ended differently and we were not in this court, I could share the life and joys of my three year old daughter. I could share the interactions she would have had with her siblings. Her father could report on his relationship with her, shoulder rides and pretend disappearing games were popular with her siblings and I can only imagine so it may have been for Roisin.
Since I cannot share these, I can perhaps share instead some of the meaning of her loss to me, and to her family. The loss of a babe is a visceral, primal wound. It is a loss of such magnitude that it echoes through our close community of friends, many of whom have attended this week, who held us in love then and now. Her loss will form a part of my family’s tapestry for generations as has the stillbirth of my nephew and my mother’s loss of my younger brother.
The loss of this child to me as her mother has also changed me in profound ways. I had hoped to call this daughter Carys, which means love in Welsh. Her father named her as we were in the hospital, and chose a beautiful Irish name to reflect my family’s heritage. What Roisin has come to mean in my life is an awakening to love and to compassion, and perhaps it is fitting her name means rose since I hope to always grow in love as a tribute to her. This child will never grace family occasions with her presence, she will forever remain a newborn even when I am a woman of eighty. I will feel her loss every day for the rest of my life.
My older daughter has now lived more than half her life as we have awaited these proceeedings. My son tells me now, “When the inquest is over, mummy, let’s never talk about it again, please.” This inquiry has cast a long shadow through these last three years. I hope the court will forgive me for commenting that it can also be an onerous process on top of such a loss as we have experienced. Despite this I am grateful I live in a country where the unexpected loss of a baby is recognised as worthy of community attention and I hope these proceedings offer hope and information which help other bereaved families or help those hoping to reduce stillbirths in Australia.
Our loss has touched another family deeply as well and I can only offer such a small thank you in the face of the generosity, love and care given freely by Marianna Duce and her own family. I have no other words with which to express my deep gratitude to her but I hope she knows I will feel indebted to her for the rest of my life. There are so many other friends who I will not name but I hope I have at some point, or will at some point, communicate my deepest thanks to each of you and your families.
Philip Strickland and Peter O’Brien have cared for us through this last while in a way which offers a small glimpse into the hearts of two very special and dedicated men. Again, a debt of gratitude which can never be repaid but one which I hope I can communicate to them in some small way much dwarfed by their own compassionate response to us in a time of stress.
While it is I who have written these words, and delivered them, I cannot leave Roisin’s father out of this narrative as he has been so frequently disappeared from media and other reports of the loss of his own child. Trevor is a father to a babe he will never see grow up and two living children whom he cherishes deeply. Despite our separation last year, I know him to be an honourable, loving man with a deep commitment to family and hope he always remembers the love we shared as I know he will always carry in his heart the pain of the lost child for whom we both wished so dearly.
No words can ever do justice to the experience of losing a child. All we can do is form small sentences which go almost nowhere to touch the distress, the grief, the yearning, the slow turning pain. I feel grateful that I have been allowed to say some of these important things which live in the confines of my mind, my home, my family and my community but which are necessarily invisible to those more removed from our sphere. Thank you.
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So proud of you.
Dear Janet, you wrote so bravely and clearly about your loss and it touched me deeply. I’m with you and hope there is enough humanity left in the system to recognize and honor your loss and let you grieve finally.
Your love for Roisin shines through.
thank you for sharing.
x
You…
*Just hugs you ever so tight* So many thoughts that cannot convey what I want to say to you. So instead *offers hugs, love and friendship*. <3
Again you show such dignity and love. I’m repeatedly blown away by your courage and it is a privilege to call you my friend.
Beautiful, brave woman xxxxxxxxxxxxx so much love
Thank you for sharing. I am humbled by your beautiful words, filled with such love toward your beloved daughter, Roison, and such courage and compassion during this process. I hope that your loss may be honoured soon, and that you may be given the space to finally grieve.
Thank you for sharing. I am humbled by your beautiful words, filled with such love toward your beloved daughter, Roisin, and such courage and compassion during this process. I hope that your loss may be honoured soon, and that you may be given the space to finally grieve.
A beautiful tribute to your daughter, Roisin. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Beautiful woman, your words are so graceful. A bit like you.
I’m so sorry. xx
*sob* You are amazing Janet. What a beautiful tribute. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Holding such dignity, truth and poise in the face of all of this makes you a truly awesome woman Janet. Proud to call you friend.
Dear Janet. Thankyou so much for sharing your words, I wish you every strength and love.
Oh Janet. I have been following your story for a while and have felt a tiny measure of your pain, firstly in losing your precious baby and then having to experience this horrific inquest. It angers me greatly that not only do you have to suffer through this trial but that your entire family including your two other precious children have to suffer through too, as evidenced by your son’s words. Perhaps this is a lesson for the courts. To remember to look at the whole picture of suffering before beginning such a drawn out and horrendous ordeal on a family. My thoughts are with you and I send you armfuls of strength for this last bit of the journey. Amber
love you….
Roisin has touched many lives, and will be loved and remembered forever.
Much love to you.
*tears of empathy and love*
Arohanuinui, e wahine ma. Thank you so much for sharing. xxxooo
So many, many hugs to you. You are indeed an amazing woman and mother.
Dear Janet. In tears as I read your heartfelt words. Please extend my thoughts to Roisin’s daddy, how powerful that you have acknowledged him with so much grace, while the media largely dimissed him. Roisin, little Rose, always loved, honoured and remembered – what a revolution of love you have started! Your life is like a pebble dropped into a pond, and we haven’t yet seen how far the ripples could reach. Without the love, the courageous choice to love, of your mummy and daddy, this love revolution would not be happening. We will be part of it and support your family, to honour you.
I’m so touched, SW. My overwhelming feeling this week is of being silenced so if others speak for me now, I can only provide the impoverished thank you that goes nowhere near the heart of the gratitude I feel for such love.
Hi Janet,
My name is Mai and I have had a traumatic journey since my son was born last year. In as many ways as I can, without being in your shoes, I understand your choice to birth in the safety and sanctity of your own home, with whoever you wish to be present. I have followed your journey through the small home birth communities I belong to; not as a consumer of media, but as a mother silently supporting another mother. The striking words you have written take away the inevitable gossip, the tsk tsk-ing, the opinions and the media-ness of your journey and make the crux of the matter clear: you are a mother who lost a child. I am so deeply sorry for everything you and your family have had to go through. Mourn your baby and your lives together. Do not let anyone’s opinions or verdicts permeate the grief you are so entitled to feel. You are a strong woman and I hope that soon, you are able to live your life as a mother, not a woman in the media who made a choice some people criticise and do not understand. I regret that this society is selectively understanding and selective in making people accountable for their beliefs and actions. Heal, mother, when you are away from judgmental eyes. All my positive thoughts are with you.
We are here, silently supporting you.
Mai.